I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
