you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She bit a glass in half.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize