So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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