ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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