I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
