Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
