I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
