god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
