i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh god it's open bar.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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