do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
