I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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