the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
