break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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