I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
