Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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