I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
