clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
