My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
