i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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