just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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