She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
