In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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