I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
