thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
