I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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