So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
