She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
