your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
