Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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