you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
