yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
