six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
