you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
