That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
