and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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