the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
