fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
