At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
