Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize