the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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