A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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