At least make sure they are 18
Why
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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