mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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