im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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