I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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