The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize