Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
