He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Small penises have feelings too.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
