how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
