god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
