Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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