i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
