so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
