I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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