the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
