i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
