the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize