4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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