I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
