sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
