Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
