WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
