I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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