I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
