He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
