So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
