I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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