First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
