got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
