My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
