Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dicks are not precious.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
