she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
