I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You were trust falling into bushes
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
