Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
