when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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