i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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