Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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