I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
