The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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