She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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