i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
