my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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