please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize