Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
