theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
