He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
