that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
