I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
