I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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