one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
