that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
