After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
