but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
