Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
