Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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